American rapists who have always fancied having a big family are moving to Alabama in their droves, according to reports this afternoon.
After the US state outlawed abortions even when the pregnancy occurs during a rape, rapists with a hankering for lots of children have been quick to offer their thanks and look at the property market in the region.
Rapist Chuck Williams told us, “I’d like to place on record my thanks to all the Alabama legislators who have made my dreams come true. Too often the needs of the rapist community are completely ignored, but we finally have lawmakers who are trying to help us. So to all those Alabama Senators, we say thank you.
“I’m sure I speak for a lot of rapists when I say I’ve always wanted a big family, but I’ve never found a woman who wanted the same thing as me – thankfully what she wants no longer matters.
“As an aside, do you know which parts of Alabama have the largest number of women in their prime child-bearing years?”
Alabama Senators have defended the new law, insisting there is no incentive for rapists who want a big family, because they’ll still be in prison for rape.
However, Williams went on, “Well yes, that’s technically true – IF we get caught and convicted, but so many of these cases are ‘he said’ ‘she said’, I think my chances are pretty good.
“But if the worst happens, then having so many kids will make the time I serve in prison so much more pleasant.
“I could have dozens of kids coming to visit me to see how I’m getting on. Isn’t that wonderful?
“Thank you Alabama!”