‘We’d all be speaking German now’ definitely worst possible consequence of Nazis winning war, insist Brexiters

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The anti-European rhetoric of many Leave supporters suggests that ‘speaking German’ would be the worst possible thing to happen to a society.

People in favour of Brexit – such as hate-filled bullies Mark Francois and Nigel Farage – often use phrases like “We beat the Germans in the war and we’ll beat them now” and “If it wasn’t for the Americans/spitfire/Churchill we’d all be speaking German.”

This suggests that while they know the allies won the war they don’t appear to understand why we fought it in the first place.

“Hitler was an extremely evil man,” said Farage. “He wanted everyone in the world to speak German. The British managed to stop him with damned hard work and belief in the nation. Fortunately, the Americans helped because they hated the idea of speaking German as much as we did.”

But weren’t Nazi policies such as the systematic extermination of Jews, ethnic minorities, homosexuals and the disabled slightly more problematic than ‘speaking German?’

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“Look, I’m not saying Hitler didn’t have some good ideas,” said Farage. “But let’s not lose sight of the fact that if we had lost the war we’d now be talking in funny accents with funny foreign words coming out of our mouths.

“It doesn’t bear thinking about,” Farage shuddered.

But isn’t Farage’s second wife German? And doesn’t he have two sons who are fluent German?

“Yes, I tried to better a German woman by making her English. However, she refused to wash that muck out of her mouth and actually ended up teaching our children German.

“You see, this is what they do – they spread their horrible language around like a deadly virus. They call it lebensraum or ‘language space.’ My wife and I are now estranged as I have no wish to catch it.

“Anyway, I have more important things to think about. My Brexit Party is ahead in the polls and my time is coming. I’ve totally managed to capture the zeitgeist!”