The Jeremy Kyle Show has been cancelled by ITV, leaving its host with no choice but to go door-to-door berating poor people for their life choices.
The Kyle show was cancelled in what many are describing as “a perfectly sensible move in an attempt to remove harmful and exploitative nonsense from our lives.”
Media consultant Simon Williams told us, “I’ve always thought of Jeremy Kyle as being like one of those weird guys in the park shouting abuse at any strangers that cross his path. Well, now he can go back to his roots.
“Jeremy is in the business of goading vulnerable simpletons to make idiots of themselves on national television, but there is no reason he can’t continue providing his special brand of entertainment one house at a time.”
Unemployed factory worker, Dave Matthews, told us, “Jeremy turned up at my door this morning and started shouting at me through my letterbox that I should be ashamed of myself for leaving my pregnant girlfriend for the barmaid at the local pub.
“It was a bit weird, yes. I told him I wasn’t even certain the baby was mine but all that did was get him even more excited and made him start pleading to let him in.
“I didn’t, because yes I’m poor, and I have made some poor life choices, but I’m not a fucking idiot.”
Kyle himself was unavailable for comment, but one of his team explained that if we think his show going off air is going to put a stop to the exploitation of vulnerable people for the entertainment of people addicted to poverty porn, then we’re going to be very disappointed.