Wednesday 8 May 2019

Nation having less sex than ever pleads with broadcasters for fewer images of Nigel Farage


Nigel Farage always on the television

Brits across the nation have pleaded with broadcasters and news organisations to stop putting pictures on Nigel Farage on the television and in their newspapers.

As a new study showed that Brits are having less sex than at any time in our history, those questioned explained the statistic by asking if we ever watched the news these days.

Simon Williams told us, “Have you seen the news lately? Watching Nigel Farage gurning his way through yet another television programme has a similar effect on the libido to injecting bromide into your eyeballs.

“And he’s absolutely everywhere. You can’t get away from him. My missus struggles with it even worse than I do and insists ‘everything snaps shut’ whenever he appears on the screen.

“All we’re asking for is just a few weeks where broadcasters don’t put him on television, and newspapers don’t print pictures of him. Is that too much to ask for? It’s my birthday next week, it’s a big one, and I’d like to be able to take advantage.”

Others have explained they too are unable to have sex while Nigel Farage keeps appearing unexpectedly; however, some have managed to make it work.

As Dave Dawson told us, “Yes, Farage’s effect on the bedroom is pretty devastating, but if you take steps to avoid seeing Nigel you’ll be surprised how quickly your sex life can recover. Mine did. For a while.

“Then, just as I thought things were getting better, he went and partnered with Ann Widdecombe and the pair of them were everywhere for at least two days.

“Seriously, erections are now nothing but a distant memory.”

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