Tuesday 7 May 2019

Jurgen Klopp asked if he fancies having a go at managing Brexit


Jurgen Klopp Brexit

Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp has been approached about the possibility of taking over the management of Brexit, after demonstrating an uncanny ability to turn utterly hopeless no-win situations into glorious victories.

After masterminding a 4-3 aggregate victory against a Barcelona team that was winning 3-0 after the first leg, government insiders have been left wondering if the German would be interested in helping them out.

CCHQ strategist Simon Williams told us, “There is no hope, everyone knows we’re going to lose, and it doesn’t matter what we do from this point on, it’s going to end in misery for everyone who cares. We need a miracle, but that sort of thing doesn’t seem to bother Jurgen.

“So we see no reason why he can’t take over and secure an unlikely victory for the government, even though all the commentators are confident we’ll get our arses handed to us.”

Klopp himself took time out from celebrating with his players at Anfield to tell the government, “No. Because no-one can win at Brexit, and I’m not a fucking idiot.”

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