Voters threatened with deselection after failing to support Jeremy Corbyn in local elections

author avatar by 5 years ago

Supporters of Jeremy Corbyn have blamed the ‘biased mainstream electorate’ for this week’s local election disappointment.

Pledging a three-line whip to bring the voters into line, members of the Momentum group said that the British people had to recognise Corbyn’s huge mandate and stop trying to undermine him by voting for other people when given the opportunity.

Internal sources within the Labour Party are understood to be confused why saying “People who don’t like Corbyn should fuck off and join someone else” should have resulted in them doing precisely that.

Plans are already being drawn up to bypass the untruthful voters in order to get the message out to…to…

“It’s a work in progress,” we were told, hastily.

“But if people don’t start backing Jeremy we’ll have to take steps which might include removing them and putting more supportive elements in their place.

“It’s time for the voters to stop interfering with elections so the real will of the people can be manifest.”

“We are the party of the many,” said Diane Abbott, displaying her well-known command of numbers.

When asked how he plans to deal with the poor showing in the local elections, Jeremy Corbyn said that he was ‘seven, or seven and a half out of ten’ in favour of winning a general election, and he hoped the British people would show the same passion for him as he does them.

When pushed for clarification on his party’s Brexit position, he told us, “Would you like some nettle tea whilst my latest batch of greengage jam sets?”