Thursday 2 May 2019

Gavin Williamson’s kids wondering if he could swear on the life of something else please


unhappy girl

Having someone swear on your life is never pleasant, especially when that person is a professional politician, according to Gavin Williamson’s kids this morning.

After swearing on his kids’ lives that he didn’t leak information from a National Security Council meeting, his kids have asked if maybe he could swear on something else instead if it’s all the same to him.

8-year-old Jessica told us, “I mean, why couldn’t he swear on his own life? What’s wrong with that? Why would you bring us into it? We weren’t at the meeting, we didn’t talk to a reporter, we weren’t the ones fired.

“You have to put him swearing on our lives into context. And that context is he lies all the time. He promised us we’d be seeing Avengers Endgame last weekend, but no, he was ‘busy’.

“He promised we could go to Disneyland last year, but then he got promoted about couldn’t take the time off.  Another promise broken. He’s a politician for God’s sake.

“I’m just saying, his promises don’t hold much weight, so when he makes a promise, and swears on the life of someone, I’d rather it wasn’t mine.”

Meanwhile, parents across the country have sucked in air through pursed lips after hearing Williamson swearing on the life of his children.

Father of three Simon Williams told us, “Christ, that’s a bit ‘off’, isn’t it? There literally isn’t anything in this world I’m so certain of that I’d be willing to swear on my child’s life.

“I think the only reason you’d ever swear on your child’s life is when you’re thoroughly desperate to convince people you haven’t done something wrong.

“Oh.”

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