Thursday 2 May 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Baldrick named new Defence Secretary


Theresa May Baldrick

Following the sacking of Gavin Williamson, Theresa May has made her most sensible choice for a cabinet Minister yet.

Baldrick has been named the new Defence Secretary, having displayed exceptional ability in the field of cunning between the 15th and 20th centuries.

“This is definitely one of the Prime Minster’s better choices of late, though that’s not setting the bar particularly high,” agreed political pundit, Simon Williams.

“Government insiders are already claiming that Baldrick’s cunning mind will prove to be invaluable when it comes to the renewal of trident, the threat from Russia and that whole Israel vs Palestine thingy.

“When your team already contains people like Michael Gove, adding Baldrick to the cabinet certainly adds some intellectual heft to the organisation – I’m sure the EU is keeping an eye on the developments.

“His appointment certainly makes up for the utterly farcical decision to let Chris Grayling continue in his job – or indeed any job.”

Not everyone was in agreement about the positive aspects of the appointment of the new minister for plans.

Business leader Edmund Blackadder, said, “I don’t want to be unkind to Baldrick, but he makes it so terribly difficult to praise him.

“With that in mind, I have to say this is the worst appointment since my great-grandfather booked in for a short back and sides at Sweeney Todd’s Barber Shop.”

Baldrick said, “Thank you, Mr B, for those kind words.

“Anyway, I look forward to being Defence Minister. With the help of Degrass Minister, Deflowerbed Minister and Dewaterfeature Minister, we can build a garden Britain can finally be proud of.”

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