The Brexit Party, the latest vehicle for Nigel Farage’s ego, has announced a number of unpleasant loudmouths or ‘candidates for the European elections’ who will spend the next month or so shouting about how England saved Europe in the war.
The loudmouths were all dressed from head to toe in tweed, came from villages with names that ended ‘in-the-wold’ and smelt faintly of Ruddles and racism.
“War!” shouted one of them, probably called Wackford or Uriah.
They went on, “Leaving the EU is exactly like the second world war – shut up, yes it is – and we won the war so that means we have to win the war that we’re fighting now against Europe except not with real guns because that’s quite scary.”
They will all continue to make reference to having been in the army, having known someone who was in the army, or having once seen The Great Escape which everyone on their side will agree is pretty much the same thing.
It is expected that in the next week they will all be pictured looking immensely proud in front of a British tank at a military museum, before moving on to look incredibly sad at a war memorial.
“As we look to these elections, we must remember the war at all times!” shouted another one, for no apparent reason.
“Spitfires! Dunkirk! Rations! The Blitz spirit!” he continued before lapsing into a doze brought on by the exertion.
It is understood that a tumescent Mark Francois is desperate to get involved.