Monday 29 April 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Anti-vaxxers delighted that the thousands of dead unvaccinated kids were probably autism-free


Anti-vaxxer movement celebrating

Anti-vaccination activists were left delighted today after it was revealed that the thousands of children who have died as a result of preventable diseases were probably autism-free at the time.

“We are really seeing now how people not vaccinating their children means these children who are dying are almost certainly not autistic, which will be of great relief to their parents,” said Simon Williams, an anti-vaccination campaigner, and verifiable cunt.

“I mean, statistically speaking, of those thousands of children who died of measles and other diseases for which we have vaccines, maybe a few dozen of them were probably autistic, but that doesn’t negate my point that most of these dead unvaccinated children were autism-free, which in my world is clear proof that not vaccinating your kids prevents autism.”

Mr Williams also revealed how the news has been a boost for his t-shirt business.

“Well, it’s a small thing compared to the important work I do trying to bring back 19th Century diseases, but I do have a sideline in anti-vax t-shirts.”

He proudly displayed his newest design – ‘My kid may have died of measles, but at least he wasn’t autistic’.

“I might have this one made into a cap as well.”

Mr Williams also revealed a new tactic in the anti-vaccination campaign.

“Culling children,” he said proudly.

“Rather than wait for the preventable diseases to do their thing, we just cull a number of kids each year – some of those will probably be autistic and we’ll have lowered the rates of autism again.

“We’re just thinking of the children.”

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