Psychologists confirm that 98% of offended people actually set out hoping to be offended

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Mind experts from the University of Hull have today confirmed that many people are offended on purpose and feel that their day is not complete unless they have found something to be offended by.

Professor Simon Williams, who led the research, admitted that the findings would offend a lot of people, but we shouldn’t worry because that will almost certainly make them happy.

He went on, “What our research has found is that there are many, many offended people in the world today, despite there being much less offensive content than there was a couple of years ago.

“This is making it much more difficult for those who like to be offended to find anything genuinely offensive, which is frustrating for them, but not offensive and therefore does not satisfy their needs.

“As they become more and more frustrated, they become blind to the context of a sentence and look for words that they can twist, to satisfy their desire to be offended.

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“This can manifest itself in many ways, such as claiming that referring to a bin liner as a black bag is racist, asking where the men’s toilets are is sexist, and Tweeting that you’re putting your feet up on a poof will send them around the bend.

“Unfortunately, this is leaving the remaining two per cent of people, who are genuinely offended by something, without a voice, which offends them even more and makes them rant about it.

“This rant is often offensive enough to satisfy the needs of the people who would like to be offended and they jump on the bandwagon, making it look like the original, completely valid point, is insignificant, because not only have the genuinely offended people had their point weakened by those who are just trying to satisfy their need to be offended  – and will, therefore, move onto something else tomorrow – they are even more offended that the falsely offended have misunderstood their point entirely, bringing the public’s attention to a completely different subject and left them with a weak and pathetic looking argument, for which they originally had a genuine reason to try to make a change.

“This often leaves a handful of people who don’t really know why they are offended but have got something to shout about anyway, glueing themselves to railings and abusing policemen to fill their days in.”