Bruce Wayne criticised for Bat-Mansplaining

author avatar by 5 years ago

Bruce Wayne has been telling Selina Kyle how to care for her cats all afternoon and it’s really winding her up.

Kyle, who is a superhero in her own right with considerable experience in feline lifestyle and care, mentioned to Bruce that one of her pets was ill and got a four-hour lecture on how to help it recover.

Bruce continued to talk over Catwoman despite only owning a customised sports car, and having no experience in caring for an animal as his butler does all that sort of thing for him.

“It’s nice that Bruce wants to help and stuff, but I’ve led a successful double life for years whilst all he has done is punched costumed weirdoes and got a thirteen-year-old killed,” Selina told us.

“I’ve multitasked being a successful cat-burglar with caring for animals, and Bruce has never even owned a cat but he still thinks he knows better than me about them.

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“I finally lost it when he told me that I should feed my cats a saucer of milk to ‘cheer them up’. Often cats become lactose intolerant as they get older, not that he’d know that.

“That’s when I threatened to gut him with my claws if he didn’t shut up.”

When asked, Bruce said that he was genuinely trying to help and maybe if Selina stopped being such a bitch about it, she might learn something.

“She’s just got real issues,” he told us. “I read an article about cats on the Batputer and that qualifies me as much as anyone.

“Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to go and explain to Talia al-Ghul how the Lazarus Pit works. I know she’ll appreciate it.”