Tuesday 23 April 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Oppressed English forced to meet underground to wish each other a happy Saint George’s Day


Clandestine meeting of St George's patriots

The English are doing their best to celebrate St. George’s Day in secret as it’s apparently illegal now.

According to several highly reliable Facebook pages, saying “Happy St. George’s Day” will either see you served with a fine, a prison sentence or the death penalty, presumably depending on the mood of the policeman who catches you.

“So here we are,” said noble patriot, Simon Williams, the candlelight dancing across his face as he conversed with his fellow English in the underground bunker beneath his shed.

“A Happy St. George’s day, my fellow Brits. Carry that message with you in your hearts today, even if you cannot emit it from your mouths for fear of legal consequences.

“Perhaps one day we will be able to say it out loud on the streets once again, but I fear we will not see that day in our lifetime.”

Meanwhile, in the kitchen above ground, Simon’s wife said “Yeah, whatever. Happy Turkish soldier day.

“As long as he’s down there with his weird mates, he’s not up here getting in the way of the hoovering, so that’s fine with me.”

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