Protesters in central London have confirmed they won’t be happy until they’ve made every single Londoner late getting home and everyone hates them.
Protesters from groups as diverse as climate change and pro-Brexit marchers have moved heaven and earth to strand commuters at major transit hubs and bring traffic to a standstill in their efforts to win popular support for their causes.
“The purpose of mass protest is to raise awareness of a problem and win over the wider population to your point of view,” said protester Simon Williams, 27.
“I don’t happen to live in London myself, but I think the best way to make people sympathetic to our cause is by making sure they’re stuck on a bus for forty minutes when they just want to get home and have a drink.
“We’re confident that within weeks we’ll have converted everyone in the greater metropolitan area with our winning tactics of blocking bus lanes, shutting down the main stations and leaving crap lying around everywhere for someone else to pick up before fucking off home.
“If there’s anyone we’ve missed, let us know and we’ll come round and let your tyres down”, he added.