Mark Francois explodes

author avatar by 5 years ago

Leader of Perfidious Albion on Speed, Mark Francois, has exploded, it was revealed last night.

It is thought that he exploded due to a huge buildup of righteous fury at the machinations of the EU superstate to thwart the will of the Great British people.

Either that or he ate too much gravy.

“I was there,” said Simon Williams, an unemployed weevil groomer who believes that Brexit will be a success and that there is no definitive proof that the earth isn’t flat.

“Mr Francois was doing this excellent speech. He’d just spoken for about half an hour about how his Dad had single-handedly won the second world war by defeating the armies of Germany, Italy, Japan and France.

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“Then he started going on about how the EU is trying to keep England as a slave state to humiliate us because we’re so brilliant and they’re so rubbish.”

It was at this point that Mr Williams noticed something was wrong.

“He’d gone ever such a funny colour, a sort of purpley-red, and then there was this stuff coming out of his ears, like steam or something.

“Then he just said ‘Will Self’ and exploded.

“It was awful, there was bits of Mark Francois and gravy everywhere, it’ll take ages to get the village hall clean again.”

Once the bits of Mark Francois have been scraped off the ceiling, he will be buried in a replica spitfire on the white cliffs of Dover as Bill Cash plays ‘There’ll always be an England’ on a Bontempi organ.