I had a parachute, Emperor explains

author avatar by 5 years ago

The Emperor of the Galaxy was wearing a parachute, it has emerged today.

The Emperor, who was feared dead after plummeting into a pit with an exploding power station at the bottom, has emerged safe and well due to an elaborate system of crash bags and a parachute which he carried at the insistence of the Imperial Facilities Management department.

“Working in the Death Star wasn’t actually all that safe,” explained Galactic Health and Safety officer Sy-Mon Snootles.

“All those ricketty gantries over bottomless chasms were a complete nightmare. People used to fall down them all the time, usually with the same high-pitched scream.

“The Insurance claims were bad enough, but HR complained that recruiting staff in an environment in dire need of handrails and warning signs round unmarked infinite voids was almost impossible.

“Plus the Emperor installing a pit leading directly into an unshielded fusion reactor in his office was a design flaw at least as bad as not putting a grate on the exhaust port first time around.

“Fortunately we managed to introduce a strict work safety directive which meant all staff either had to wear hi-vis red or white uniforms at all times, or carry a parachute in case of emergencies.”

When asked, Senator Palpatine admitted that yes, he had been opposed to new Health and Safety regulations as an unnecessary cost and ‘human rights gone mad’, but in the end, it turned out to have been a life-saver.

“For me, anyway,” he added with a cackle. “Now die!”