Thursday 11 April 2019 by Davywavy

“Black Hole” picture actually the Eye of Terror, humanity warned


black hole photo is eye of terror

A photograph of a ‘Black Hole’ released yesterday actually shows the birth of Slaanesh and the opening of the Eye or Terror, humanity has been warned today.

The picture, taken by Arch Magos Katie Bouman, was initially believed to be a harmless, innocent gigantic black hole until closer examination by the Imperial Inquisition revealed a boiling mass of sentient horror stretching into the immaterium created by the Eldar doing something we can’t repeat in a family newspaper.

“We believed this was merely your average, run of the mill, everyday darkness between the stars which engulfs all life and consumes everything it touches,” said Inquisitorial spokesman Simon Williams.

“But as it turns out it’s actually a much worse darkness between the stars which engulfs all life and consumes everything it touches. Bloody Eldar, ruining it for everybody.

“Just to reassure everyone, we’ve asked the Emperor’s Children to go and take a look, so we don’t imagine there’ll be any problems.”

The Daily Emperorgraph has responded to the news with warnings that Eldar refugees fleeing their nigh-annihilation of their race might overwhelm the benefits system, whilst Boris Johnson told the Today programme that he knows a little more about battling the hellish extraterrestrial threat than the Adeptus Astartes.

Everyone who has looked at the picture is cordially invited to present themselves to their local inquisition immediately just to be sure they haven’t been corrupted.

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