Wednesday 10 April 2019 by Arabin Patson

Office wanker thinks putting milk in a cup of tea is something people should have strong opinions about


Man demands to know your opinion on tea

A complete dullard has recently plagued his coworkers by trying to find out ‘where they stood’ on the utterly inconsequential topic of whether milk should be put in the cup before pouring the tea.

Simon Williams, an irritating accounts manager from an import firm in Poole, has sent an email around the office asking his colleagues to ‘pick a side’ about when to put the milk when making tea.

His email read: “My fellow worker bees (lol). When you make a cuppa, do you put the milk in first like a heretic, or do you put it in after, like a civilised person? Pick a side! I’ll see you during lunch break for the final showdown! Anyone for a few cheeky pints afterwards?”

However, most of his colleagues declined to answer, preferring to spend time dreaming of a job with better colleagues. As explained clerical assistant Amanda Tinnock.

“I don’t really give a shit about tea. But Simon always does this kind of bollocks. Last week he tried to get people debating about cats versus dogs. I think his wife left him recently.”

Jamel Wazaoui, the company’s Algerian IT technician, further complicated matters by saying that English people arguing about making tea was like cows arguing about AI.

He went on, “Why are you so obsessed with tea when you make it completely undrinkable?

“Your breakfast tea is just the factory floor sweepings that people from other nations won’t touch. And if you want a nice cup of warm milk then just admit it. Let me make you some nice Maghrebin mint tea.

“And you can drink it in a glass like a fucking adult.”

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