Wednesday 3 April 2019

Incompetent leader hopeful alliance with rubbish opposition will secure support for crap deal that everyone hates


Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn

Theresa May is confident that Jeremy Corbyn is the missing piece in her carefully laid plans for Brexit.

Despite parliament voting three times against her deal, May insists it is not dead and only resting, and could be given a new lease of life from a man she has spent three years denouncing as ‘rubbish’.

Backbench Tory MP Simon Williams told us, “This is the state of Brexit today. After having a crap deal that no-one wants roundly rejected by parliament several times, the party seems to feel confident that the missing ingredient is our incompetent leader securing the support of an opposition universally thought of as pathetic.

“How could it fail?”

Voters have welcomed the move, saying that at least it gives them something slightly different to moan about for a few days.

Basingstoke resident Derek Matthews told us, “I just don’t understand why so many people are against Theresa’s deal?

“Just because the terms of the deal were horrible, and Theresa was utterly terrible at selling it to the public, and it delivered an outcome that fewer and fewer people actually want – that’s no reason for it to fail. I am genuinely shocked it failed so spectacularly.

“But if there’s one thing that could add some credibility to her proposals, it’s involving an opposition she has spent three years publicly insisting is in no way credible.

“On the plus side, she might finally be able to tell the DUP where to get off. With any luck, she’ll have kept the receipt for that billion quid.”

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