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The nation’s felines have begun to protest that pictures of them looking outside from an open door are constantly being posted online by middle-class cat owners along with comparisons to Brexit that were mildly amusing in 2016 but are now a tired cliché.
UK cats are adamant that taking their time assessing their exit is perfectly rational and in no way comparable to the absurdity of Brexit. As explained Simon, a tabby who allows the Williams family in Brighton to stay with him.
“The adult female in my house does it all the time. She opens the door, I sit down to contemplate the outdoors, and, before I know it, I’m on sodding Facebook alongside a wanky joke about asking for article 50 extensions.
“What we are doing has nothing to do with that national suicide pact you lot call Brexit. Unlike you, we know that the outside is full of dangers like nasty toms, dogs and those fucking seagulls.
“So, if we have a wide open door with a giant hairless monkey to dissuade intruders, then it makes perfect sense to take our time and assess if now is a good time to go take a shit in the neighbour’s herb garden.
“None of us have harped on about how it would be better to be strays. We might want to quickly nip over to the granny two doors down and get a saucer of milk, but we’re not stupid enough to think that’s an alternative to regular daily feeds, warm laps and head scratches on demand.
“Not to be nasty, but a species dumb enough to believe stuff written on a red bus by Boris Johnson doesn’t get to make jokes about us.
“Ever.”
