Monday 1 April 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Well mannered British unsure if having bloody coup is polite or not


is bloody coup impolite

Good manners are currently the only thing preventing the British population rising up and tearing the ruling class to pieces in bloody insurrection.

Whilst there is certainly an overwhelming desire amongst the British to revolt in the most violent way possible, there is also a concern that it would be seen as ‘impolite’.

“Well, yes, I think that, like most of us, there’s nothing I’d enjoy more, right now, than parading around Parliament Square with Liam Fox’s head on a spear,” explained Simon Williams, an insect psychiatrist from Norwich.

“But, I’m just a little concerned that people would think me rude.

“I mean, like most people I was brought up to believe that good manners are paramount.

“Always say ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ don’t interrupt when other people are speaking, and don’t parade around Parliament Square with the International Trade Secretary’s head on a spear.”

However, Dr Williams is part of a growing number of people who are starting to think that those basic rules of etiquette and manners have changed.

“I don’t really know, but perhaps it is actually now considered impolite to not rise up and brutally slay the whole lot of them in savage retribution for their continued incompetence, graft, and dishonesty.

“I just wish someone could clarify the position.”

Happily, Dr Williams will not have to wait long as, in response to multiple requests, Phil and Holly will, on Tuesday, have etiquette expert William Hanson on to talk everyone through the etiquette implications of bloody and violent revolution.

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