Sunday 17 March 2019 Pete Redfern

Leprechauns enjoy final St Patrick’s Day not spent conducting customs checks at the Irish Border


Leprechaun Irish border

Leprechauns are enjoying their last St Patrick’s Day free from any responsibility, it has emerged.

With the issue of the Irish Border still crippling the Brexit process, it is anticipated that by next St Patrick’s Day all leprechauns will have been forced to staff or guard the border twenty-four seven.

Cheeky leprechaun Simon Williams told us, “Yes, gone are the days of us drunkenly cavorting around, eating Lucky Charms breakfast cereal and trying to find pots of gold at the end of rainbows, without a care in the world.

“We’ve been told that we’ve been taking the piss for too long, and the amount we owe in taxes from our stolen gold will need to be paid by in hard labour on our side of the northern border when the British erect it next year.”

Gloomily he added, “We celebrate St Patrick’s Day to remember when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland.

“It’s just a shame they all ended up in Westminster.”

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