Wednesday 13 March 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Man With head on block demands they stop squabbling and get on with cutting it off


Man on chopping block

A man with his head on the execution block has demanded that the people in charge stop squabbling about whether or not its right to cut his head off and just get on with it.

It was decided that Simon Williams should have his head cut off several years ago, and Mr Williams has grown increasingly frustrated that it has taken so long for the powers-that-be to cut off his head.

“Initially, I didn’t really want to have my head cut off,” said Mr Williams.

“But, really, I’m just sick to death of the whole thing now and I just wish they’d get on with cutting my head off so I can make some solid plans for the future.”

It seems that the delay has been caused by a number of people who are fighting to not have Mr Williams head cut off, as they believe his life without a head would be considerably worse than his life with a head.

Williams went on, “They don’t care about me or my head though, they’re all just out for what they can get for themselves. They probably all own hat factories or are in the pockets of ‘Big Headwear’.

“No, the decision was made to cut my head off. In an ideal world, I’d rather it wasn’t but we’ve just got to get on with it now.”

Mr Williams was confident that he’d be able to go on to a successful life post-head cutting off.

“Yeah, it’ll be difficult for a while but once my head grows back, it’ll be fine.

“Heads do grow back, don’t they? I mean, I haven’t really looked into it. The experts all said it definitely wouldn’t grow back, but then what do experts know…”

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