Bathroom tap designers have been told to have a word with themselves and realise their job is fundamentally a simple one about getting water onto hands.
Following a slew of taps popping up worldwide that require you to wave your hands underneath two separate water stalks while making sure your body aligns with a laser sensor, everyone has agreed that the designers have gone mad with power.
“In my day we just twisted the f**ker and water came out,” grumbled Simon Williams, who was unable to solve the crossword puzzle necessary to make the tap in the offices of Bastard & Sons produce water.
“Yes, you had to touch the dirty tap again after to make it stop, but we all learned the elbow trick at school. Now I have to do the macarena every time I want to wash my hands.
“Seriously, look at that thing. It looks like a ship from Star Trek. It’s just a tap, not an installation in the Tate Modern.”
Tap designer, Jay Cooper, said “To us tap designers, it’s MORE than just a tap. It’s an expression of what it means to be clean.”
Williams countered, “To us people who use the sodding taps, they’re just taps. F**king stop it.”