Wednesday 13 March 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Bathroom tap designers told to calm the f*ck down


Bathroom tap designers told to wind their neck in

Bathroom tap designers have been told to have a word with themselves and realise their job is fundamentally a simple one about getting water onto hands.

Following a slew of taps popping up worldwide that require you to wave your hands underneath two separate water stalks while making sure your body aligns with a laser sensor, everyone has agreed that the designers have gone mad with power.

“In my day we just twisted the fucker and water came out,” grumbled Simon Williams, who was unable to solve the crossword puzzle necessary to make the tap in the offices of Bastard & Sons produce water.

“Yes, you had to touch the dirty tap again after to make it stop, but we all learned the elbow trick at school. Now I have to do the macarena every time I want to wash my hands.

“Seriously, look at that thing. It looks like a ship from Star Trek. It’s just a tap, not an installation in the Tate Modern.”

Tap designer, Jay Cooper, said “To us tap designers, it’s MORE than just a tap. It’s an expression of what it means to be clean.”

Williams countered, “To us people who use the sodding taps, they’re just taps. Fucking stop it.”

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