Friday 8 March 2019 by Arabin Patson

Nobody outside Birmingham really buying that whole ‘Birmingham is Britain’s second city’ thing


Birmingham second city

A recent survey into the British population’s beliefs and attitudes have revealed that, once again, people are incredulous when told Birmingham is Britain’s biggest city after London, with a majority of respondents claiming there was ‘no fucking way it’s Brum’.

When asked, only 1.3% of people surveyed identified Birmingham as the UK’s second city with most people opting for Edinburgh (42%) Manchester (38%) Swansea (11%) or Lutterworth (6%).

Croydon resident and English teacher Simon Williams was one of many that refused to acknowledge the UK’s second city was somewhere he knew virtually nothing about.

He told us, “That can’t be right. Surely if that was true it would be more famous. Apart from Ozzy and Peaky Blinders, there’s nothing about Birmingham that really comes to mind. For me, it’s just the place you try to avoid when driving North. Do they even have a special food or something?”

Mr Williams did acknowledge the Birmingham dialect was very distinct and was unique in being the only accent in Britain with absolutely no positive connotations.

“Even Scouse has got cheery insolence to it. Mind you I would love to put on a Midsummer’s Night Dream with an all-Brummie cast. That would be mental.”

In response, a spokesperson for Birmingham city council explained that local people were proud to live in Britain’s second city and reminded journalists that it had more canals than Venice. A comparison known to irk the famous Italian city that prefers to highlight its Italian Gothic architecture and the absence of dead drug addicts in its canals.

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