Friday 8 March 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Criticism for Talking Heads as supposed Road to Nowhere actually goes to Chelmsford


Road to nowhere

Seminal 80s art-rock band Talking Heads were facing considerable criticism after it was found that their supposed Road to Nowhere actually goes to Chelmsford in Essex.

The discovery was made by Simon Williams, a ferret motivator from Hounslow.

“Well, I feel really let down, to be honest,” said Mr Williams.

“I was just driving along and I saw a mate, so I pulled in and offered him a lift. He asked me where I was going so I said I was on the road to nowhere, come on inside.

“He told me that the road didn’t go to nowhere, it went to Chelmsford, just after bypassing Ingatestone.”

Initially, Mr Williams was reluctant to believe his friend.

“No, I said to him, I said I know where I’m going but I don’t know where I’ve been. He said, ‘well you’ve come from Hounslow, obviously. That’s a stupid thing to say, and you don’t know where you’re going because you’re going to Chelmsford.

Things started to get heated.

“I was a bit sick of this by that point so I told him that I was on the road to paradise, here we go, and I just drove off.

“Turns out he was right, it wasn’t the road to Nowhere, or the road to paradise, it was the road to Chelmsford, to that roundabout by the Britvic factory.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so disappointed in a seminal 80s art-rock band as I am with Talking Heads right now.”

Talking Heads were unavailable for comment as they were recovering from an incident with a Psycho killer who attacked them because they kept trying to speak to him in French.

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