Leading Brexiters have demanded that the UK no longer recognise International Women’s Day and instead celebrate British Women’s Day.
“The British people voted for Brexit,” said two-time Oscar winner, masked crime-fighter and former UKIP leader Paul Nuttall.
“Part of that means that our women are no longer international but British, and I think that it’s high time we had a British Women’s Day for British Women who do British things.”
Friend of Nuttal, Nigel Farage, went on to describe what British Women’s Day would entail.
He explained, “Well, you’d celebrate women’s things; like jam-making, knitting, doing the shopping. That sort of thing.
“It’s also a little bit sexist to focus on women, no? Maybe it should be just an ‘everyone British’ day? The important thing to remember is that this day shouldn’t be international, it’s for the indigenous British people. Not celebrating bloody Europeans, or god forbid, those from bongo-bongo land.”
The plan seems to have found favour with the six or seven people who still consider Nigel Farage’s opinion relevant.
“Women? Yes, I met one once,” said UKIP supporter and twice convicted underwear-thief Simon Williams.
“I would be fully supportive of Mr Farage’s excellent plan to replace International Women’s Day with British Women’s Day. It’s the kind of forward-thinking idea that shows how we can make a success of Brexit.”
Asked what he would celebrate about British women, Mr Williams was quick to respond.
“Tits. And bums. All of them, really.”
International Women’s Day takes place on March 8th and is complemented by International Men’s Day on November 19th, and International Richard Herring Day on a yet to be confirmed date.