Local cook Simon Williams has been invited to join Slipknot after an attempt at flipping a pancake left him with one slap on his face.
Simon, who was making a batch of the treats for his children for tonight, was showing off to friends at how good he was at flipping pancakes when an over-enthusiastic flip of the pan sent one spiralling far too high and wide.
“I miss-timed the pan-flip, and this lump of mostly-cooked, semi-congealed batter went straight up and then landed smack on my face. I made this sort of half-surprised spluttering, gurgling noise,” he told us.
“Sort of like this – Graughuauuuagh -huahghhuuuu-uuugh.
“Next thing I knew Corey Taylor was at the door with a three-album contract saying I had exactly the look and sound he was looking for.”
The Slipknot frontman told Simon he’d been looking for something to ‘fill out’ his band’s roster, and a surprised middle-aged man with a face and mouth full of batter flailing about the place whilst making an urgent gurgling noise is totally what he needs to complete the lineup.
“He moved and sounded like Kermit the Frog having an orgasm, so we think he’ll fit right in,” we were told.