Wednesday 27 February 2019 by Davywavy

Scotland ‘leads the world’ in insult research & design, finds study


Man swearing

Scotland has a world-beating industry in creating innovative and revolutionary new insults, according to a study published this morning.

The results show that Scotland has beaten Australia into second place for another year, with many insult-industry analysts believing Australia is resting on its laurels with ‘nong’ and ‘drongo’, whilst Scotland produced more than forty entirely new insults every day during 2018.

It is expected the industry is unlikely to be harmed by Brexit, with the move instead creating major new growth opportunities for Scottish insults on Nigel Farage’s twitter feed.

“There’s a global need for people to be called bawbags, and from the mass-produced insult factory of Glasgow to hand-crafted bespoke insults from small highland communities Scotland is ready to accommodate you,” said study author Simon McWillians.

“I’ve already been called a ‘fuckin plate’ this morning, which is both incomprehensible and brilliantly rude at the same time.

“Many tourists visit Scotland for the authentic experience of talking to a vituperative drunk man on a station platform in Dundee at 1am, or a highland driving tour asking locals if they know the way to England.”

“We see little danger the insult industry will offshore to the USA as the best they’ve come up with recently has been ‘cuck’ and ‘snowflake’, the hopeless wee pack of wankstain fucknoodles.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: