Cardinals disappointed as Pope’s ‘sex abuse summit’ features very little sex abuse

author avatar by 4 years ago

Following the Pope’s special ‘sex abuse summit’ over the weekend, reports are emerging that many cardinals and bishops were left disappointed by the amount of sex abuse made available to them.

“Far be it from me to criticise His Holiness,” said one senior bishop who had travelled from the west coast of the USA to attend.

“But if you’re advertising a weekend as being a sex abuse summit, then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a substantial amount of sex abuse available to everyone. I mean, I literally didn’t pick up a single tip.”

In reality, the weekend consisted largely of the Pope making speeches about how ‘bad’ sex abuse is and how the Catholic church should be doing more to stop it.

“Well, if anything, he should have advertised it as an anti-sex abuse summit,” continued the bishop.

“Don’t get me wrong. I understand why he didn’t, you advertise it as a ‘sex abuse summit,’ you’re going to get Catholic priests banging the door down, you advertise it as an ‘anti-sex abuse summit,’ no one’s going to come, are they?”

There were other complaints including disappointing accommodation and poor quality food.

“I could have coped with that if there’d been a decent amount of sex abuse through,” exclaimed the bishop.

“What a lousy weekend.”

It is expected there will be a jaw-dropping feature-length documentary on Netflix soon about how the organisers of a high-profile Catholic sex abuse summit could be so inept as to not include any sex abuse.