Teenagers are too immature to make reasoned decisions “except when it comes to ISIS”, confirms study

author avatar by 5 years ago

The results of a groundbreaking study commissioned by the home secretary Sajid Javid have confirmed that, while teenagers’ raging hormones inhibit their capacity to make reasoned decisions on most subjects until the age of 18, that doesn’t apply to decisions about joining death cults.

The findings concluded that the ability to decide whether it would be sensible to leave home and join a jihadist cult in the desert actually develops much earlier.

Lead researcher Dr Simon Williams told us, “This provides conclusive proof, if it were even needed, that although teenagers absolutely should not be allowed to have any say on issues of grave national importance until the exact day that they have been alive for 18 years, those who may have decided to leave the country to join ISIS at the age of 15 knew exactly what they were doing.”

When pressed as to the implications the research may have for the young woman from east London whose status as a British citizen looks like coming to an end, Dr Redmond said that “she should show some good old British stiff upper lip and get on with the business of dealing with her terrible decision.

“Whilst it may have seemed a good idea at the time, there is absolutely no way it is possible to change your mind when things turn out much worse than expected – had she been a little older she may have realised that.”

In light of the publication of the results, Theresa May is said to be consulting her Cabinet on the possibility of a second referendum in order to determine whether or not the shredding of the young Brit’s passport should be streamed live on Facebook.