There was widespread disappointment inside the Tory party last might after the revelation that Chris Grayling has no immediate plans to quit the party and stand as an independent.
Pundits had considered that the split of the seven Labour MPs would lead into a greater realignment in British politics, and hopes were high within the Tory party that the realignment from the right would begin with Chris Grayling, and possibly even Liam Fox.
“No, I spoke to Chris yesterday afternoon,” confirmed a deflated cabinet colleague.
“He’d just spilt an entire jar of mayonnaise all over himself and was in the gents changing into the spare suit he keeps in the office for just those sorts of situations.
“I just dropped a few hints about the new Independent Group, and he said that he would never consider doing anything like that.
“I’m a grown man but I’m not ashamed to admit I nearly cried. I was gutted, to be honest. If he left, that would be a real boost to our prospects in the next election.
The colleague revealed that there were plans afoot to try induce Mr Grayling to split from the party.
He went on, “Yes, a few of us are going to club together, offer him ten grand to stand as an independent. Amber Rudd is going to have a chat and tell him that girls find independents MPs sexy.
“My hopes aren’t high, but it’s worth a go.”
Mr Grayling was unavailable for comment as he was ‘hard at work developing a new system for underground airport runways.’