Thursday 14 February 2019 by Davywavy

Yorkshire on high alert after man spotted buying Quinoa in Doncaster


Yorkshire panic stations

People in Yorkshire are warned to be on the lookout after a man was spotted buying Quinoa in Doncaster yesterday.

The man, described as tall, in his early thirties and probably soft as shite, is understood to have made the purchase in broad daylight in a grocers just outside the town centre.

Locals have been urged to steer clear of the area until the man is found and specialist decontamination teams have made the area safe of any lingering Southern influence.

“It was so fast, I barely knew what was happening before it was over,” said visibly distraught shopkeeper Daz Williams.

“When he came in he had a beard and tattoos so I thought he must be on day release from the local prison and looking to nick fags like most of my customers.

“I should have known something was wrong when he asked if I had any Kale for a smoothie, but I just didn’t think. You don’t expect that sort of thing round here.

“I don’t even know how I came to have that Quinoer stuff in my shop anyway – I don’t hold with that foreign muck – I must have slipped it in with the bags of sawdust for kids hamster cages I got in last month.

“He was on it like a flash and before I knew it he was gone and I had an extra two pound fifty in my till.”

CCTV shows the man getting in a car and driving off towards Barnsley where it is expected his reign of terror will continue.

Police have told locals to remain calm but to remain in their own homes for safety until the chip shop opens.

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