Woman fine with not receiving Valentine teddy bear as she’s not a f**king fourteen-year-old girl

author avatar by 5 years ago

A woman is reportedly fine with not receiving a barrel-load of cheap Valentine’s day tat because she’s not a f**king fourteen-year-old girl and doesn’t measure her self-worth on how much her partner spent in Clinton cards yesterday lunchtime.

Despite being in a relationship for several years, the woman’s partner elected not to purchase anything pink and fluffy because they prefer romance to be spontaneous and personal and not dictated by an international greeting card conglomerate.

“No, I did not get a Valentine teddy bear,” said Simone Williams earlier

“Of course I didn’t! I’m a software engineer in my late forties, I’m not a f**king fourteen-year-old girl. What would I want with a Valentine teddy bear?”

Mrs Williams also confirmed that her partner would not lose ‘brownie points’ for failing to purchase anything on Valentine’s day.

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“’Brownie points?’ What the hell is that? What kind of twisted relationship would think about rewarding each other in terms of ‘brownie points’.

“Listen, we have a normal, healthy, grown-up relationship. Some of the time we are romantic, other times we are not.

“Like all right-thinking people, we don’t consider anything sold in a low-rent, high street greeting card shop to be in any way romantic.”

Although it remains unconfirmed, it is thought unlikely that Mrs Williams and her partner will be going out tonight to a second-rate Italian restaurant with the tables pushed together to spend two hours eating a vastly overpriced ‘Valentine’s Special’ spaghetti and desperately trying to think of things to talk about.