Wednesday 13 February 2019 by Pete Redfern

Theresa May reassures public that the body bags being stockpiled by the NHS will be blue


Theresa May stockpiling body bags

With the revelation by a health minister that the NHS is stockpiling body bags, Theresa May has reassured everyone that she will make sure they are at least blue in colour.

A letter from Stephen Hammond to a fellow MP, giving assurances to one of his constituents, confirmed that body bags were being stockpiled, in a bid to offer reassurance that all aspects of the NHS will continue to operate despite the disruption of Brexit.

Addressing MPs in the House of Commons yesterday, Theresa May said, “The bulk buying of body bags shows how prepared and committed this government is to running the NHS well after Brexit.

“Please do not read into this that we expect deaths to rise after Brexit, though – we just want to make sure that if deaths do increase, due to an entirely non-Brexit related reason, that we have enough bags to put you commoners in. I mean, put the unfortunate deceased in.”

She continued, “In order to make any unexpected sudden increase in deaths look more patriotic to the outside world, I have demanded that the body bags be a shade of blue that will match our new passports. We’ll also add the royal coat of arms for the United Kingdom.

“Then your corpse can lie on a trolley in a crowded hospital corridor shrouded in the sovereign colour of our proud nation.”

Brexit voter and contemptible moron Simon Williams responded, “Great! I’ve always dreamed of having a body bag that matched my passport.

“This government really delivers, doesn’t it?”

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