Monday 11 February 2019 by Arabin Patson

Chris Grayling only allowed plastic cutlery from now on


Chris Grayling

The government has responded to the predictable collapse of the Seaborne Freight deal by ensuring the Minister for Transport would not be given any glassware or metal knives and would be better supervised during his playtime.

Mr Grayling was unavailable for comment as he was in his constituency thinking about what he’d done and it would be a long time before he could come out and play with journalists, said Downing Street.

Simon Williams, spokesperson for Number 10, said the Prime Minister was not angry, just disappointed

Williams told us, “We were hoping that by giving him responsibilities, he would respond by making careful decisions.

“We took his word that he’d done his homework about the shipping thing and that he’d tidied his room. He has abused our trust and as such he is now going to go back to the small table and the key from his office has been taken away.

“And that’s why his telly time was reduced to an hour this weekend.

“He can get back the proper pencils with the sharp points if he manages one week without making this government a byword for incompetence. And maybe also his chauffeur-driven car if he eats his veg.”

Mr Williams was asked if Chris Grayling would still be allowed to spend public money or go to the toilet alone.

“No. Not after that fire.”

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