Tuesday 5 February 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Millennials the last generation to suffer horror of buying rubber johnnies from a human


young man at pharmacy buying condoms

The horrifying art of looking a cashier in the eye as they scan through a packet of three condoms is set to die with the millennials.

With the advent of online shopping and self-scan checkouts, the modern consumer can purchase their cock-coats discretely and without whispering in a hushed tone to a pharmacist or petrol station employee, depending on the urgency of the situation.

“Lucky Gen-Z bastards,” grumbled 32-year-old Simon Williams.

“I remember my first time buying condoms. It was a nightmare. You had to get them off the shelf and actually take them to another human to scan them.”

“That same human would scan it in the full knowledge that the next time someone touched that box, they were probably going to be naked and horny. Then they’d look at you with either disgust or wry amusement, depending on their tolerance.

“I mean, I get that we’re all on tinder now and embarrassment around sex isn’t really a thing anymore, but in 2002 you were made to feel like you were breaking the law or something. No wonder so many of us got pregnant.”

Jay Cooper, 18, who was born in the year that Simon Williams went on his first rubber johnny mission, said, “meh”.

“You can buy condoms online now, or they give them away at the clinic. Plus it’s just sex, right? Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Simon Williams replied, “TEACH ME TO BE YOU!”

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