Monday 4 February 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Wimpy version of rugby over for another year


american football

The Superbowl has finished, apparently.

The slower, more commercial-packed version of Rugby where all of the players feel the need to wear body armour and helmets celebrated its terrible version of the Six Nations yesterday, where one of the teams probably won; we didn’t stay up to watch because we’re not insane and we didn’t even bother looking up the teams involved because we don’t care.

“Go superbowl!” said an American that we made up whose name is, inevitably, Simon Williams.

“This American Football cup final was the most American Footballest of all. What a spectacle. I’m sure you will be watching that team take on the other team just as I shall be, and enjoying the halftime show performance by someone-or-other.

“What’s this rugby game y’all have? Is it slow and boring like soccer or do you stop for an advert every four minutes like in proper sports?”

Rugby player, Jay Cooper, said, “If I rocked up to practice wearing shoulder pads I’d get knocked out, and rightly so.

“Look at those American “athletes”; not one of them has had their teeth knocked out down the Rose and Thorn, I promise you that. Bunch of big girls’ bras.”

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