Tuesday 29 January 2019 by Dan Sweryt and Jonathan Sumpton

Theresa May gets tattoo of Jacob Rees-Mogg on her face


Theresa May Jacob Rees-Mogg tattoo

Theresa May has shown he much she wants Jacob Rees-Mogg to work with her by having his likeness tattooed onto her right cheek.

May is confident that the move will terrify other Tory MPs into agreeing with her Brexit deal, since a picture of Jacob Rees-Mogg on her face is a long way from her most desperate move to date.

With Brexit at such a stalemate that they’ve had to redefine the word ‘stalemate’, the Prime Minister has had to go to extraordinary painful lengths in an attempt to win the backing of her Parliament.

Chief Brexit commentator, Simon Williams, said, “There is basically no agreeing about any of this Brexit malarkey, so the Prime Minister’s best bet to convince Brexiters to work with her is this course of action: it seems having a tattoo of someone you want to work more closely with put slap-bang in the middle of your face is now ‘de rigueur’.

“There is an added bonus that everyone knows that when faced with ol’ Jakes, people just agrees with what he says, if for no other reason than making him go away.

“Everything she says will now be agreed with by everyone, including Labour and even the LibDems. Just so they don’t have to look at that terrifying visage anymore.

“You could say this is the ultimate compromise.

“Ironically, the only person she couldn’t convince was Jacob himself, as he thought he was looking in a mirror and became visibly aroused.”

May has had the tattoo done by lithograph, to remain true to Rees-Mogg’s worldview.

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