Friday 18 January 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Continued existence of Chris Grayling leads to concern that human evolution is broken


Chris Grayling

Scientists have expressed concern that the continued existence of Transport Minister Chris Grayling could indicate that human evolution is no longer working properly.

The fundamental principle of evolution, that of survival of the fittest, should dictate that creatures like Chris Grayling died out long ago, so the fact that he continues to exist is worrying many.

“The existence of Chris Grayling? It’s a complete mystery to all of us,” said Simon Williams, Britain’s leading expert in made-up science.

“There is no conceivable purpose Chris Grayling can serve and he is utterly incapable of contributing to the ongoing success of the human population in any way.

“So, the question is, if evolution sees to it that useless and redundant forms of biology are rendered extinct, why does Chris Grayling still exist and, perhaps more importantly, why is he in charge of the trains?”

Questions were raised within the scientific community when Chris Grayling first came to prominence as Justice Secretary and systematically set about making everything under his control even worse.

Scientists initially assumed he was a strange quirk of existence, and that evolution would soon naturally remove him from the gene pool by means of an auto-erotic asphyxiation incident, or the accidental ingestion of a poisonous frog.

However, his continued and seemingly permanent existence is now causing real concern in the scientific community.

Mr Grayling remained sanguine when posed with the question of his existence seemingly in defiance of evolution.

“Evolution?” he said.

“Is that one of those rides at Alton Towers?”

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