Tuesday 15 January 2019 by Alex Webster

Theresa May advised never to play poker


Theresa May Brexit bluffing

The Prime Minister has been advised never to play cards because she is clearly terrible at bluffing.

There was a surprise announcement from Westminster yesterday as the Prime Minister said that the only alternative to her deal was to block Brexit altogether.

Hope was short-lived however when everybody immediately realised this was just another transparent lie from a woman with so many ‘tells’ her nickname should be ‘William’.

Professional card player Simon Williams said, “The first rule of a bluff is that what you’re saying must, on some level, be a believable outcome for the other parties.

“However, Mrs May has insisted several times that blocking Brexit was not an option, so that’s clearly claptrap.

“The second rule is that your opponent must be unsure of their own position. But most MPs don’t stand to personally lose anything in the event of no deal, so it’s no risk to them whatsoever.

“She also spoke at length with the EU themselves, telling them that if they didn’t make concessions on their ‘non-negotiable’ four freedoms, then a no-deal Brexit was something she would have no option but to willingly invoke – yeah, they didn’t believe her either.

“When you look at it on paper, this government’s record of taking huge gambles and losing, such as with the DUP, snap elections and of course Brexit itself, means I’m starting to wonder if they just don’t understand how gambling works.”

Sources reveal that a fidgety and sweating May is now taking notes while watching Casino Royale.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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