Tuesday 15 January 2019

Nation shocked as crap deal presented by incompetent leader fails to secure outcome no-one wanted


Theresa May's deal defeated in parliament

Theresa May has had her arse handed to her by parliament in a massive blow to fans of crap ideas everywhere.

After parliament voted against her deal by a majority of 230 – the largest defeat of a sitting government in a hundred years – people who enjoy seeing terrible ideas come to fruition have expressed their disappointment.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “I painted my house pink last summer, I have a tattoo of an ex-girlfriend on my back, and I bought my TV on a finance deal that means I’ll pay more than three times as much as someone who bought it for cash – so when I say I’m a fan of making crap decisions, you know I mean it.

“I wanted Theresa May’s deal to pass mainly because I’m a moron, but clearly the only people willing to see it come to fruition were myself and Theresa.

“I just don’t understand why people were so against it? Just because the terms of the deal were horrible, and Theresa was utterly terrible at selling it to the public, and it delivered an outcome that fewer and fewer people actually want – that’s no reason for it to fail. I am genuinely shocked it failed so spectacularly.

“I’m beginning to regret my new chest tattoo of Theresa’s face with the words ‘Greatest PM ever’.”

Parliamentarians have defended their decision to vote against the deal by insisting that they are stupid, but not that stupid.

Backbench MP Gerald Blythe told us, “I voted with my conscience, and for what I believe is best for my constituents, which I will always do.

“Unless it’s politically or personally inconvenient for me, obviously.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt

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