David Cameron still hasn’t been tarred and feathered, despite everything currently falling to bits around us.
With Brexit looking about as clear and logical as a jigsaw puzzle completed by a drunken uncle, the country is in an absolute tizzy of confusion, disillusionment and gnashing teeth.
“And it’s Cameron’s fucking fault,” agreed absolutely everybody.
“Why isn’t he in the stocks? Where is he?” said Simon Williams.
“I’ve got some tar at home that’s just sitting there. It would sit nicely on his smug fucking face. Bring him to me. He’s earned it.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that rich people are always held accountable for their actions, so this should be no different. Bring him to me, along with some feathers.”
A spokesperson for David Cameron said, “David Cameron is not going to entertain these silly thoughts of childish vengeance.
“He’s hidden away where he smugly believes nobody could find him, at 22a Boswick Road, Chipping Norton. Grab a pitchfork and follow me. FOR ENGLAND!”