Monday 14 January 2019 by Pete Redfern

Trump’s wall to be reinforced with ‘thoughts and prayers’ after success in preventing school shootings


Donald Trump's wall to be infused with thoughts and prayers

President Trump has revealed that the wall he intends to build along the border with Mexico will be made from the strongest material; thoughts and prayers.

The former TV game show host back-pedalled last week over who was to pay for the wall, insisting that he never said Mexico would write him a cheque for it, even though that is literally what he said.

Consequently, it appears the substandard amateur golfer has had to review the materials the wall will be made from.

Wearing a silly hat he addressed reporters saying, “Now that Mexico has selfishly turned around and said they won’t pay for the wall – even though they did pinky-promise that they would – I have had to cut some costs.

“I am a very stable genius though, because I remembered that there is a very effective substance that we could add to the wall that is completely free – thoughts and prayers!”

He explained, “Since I became President everyone has been sending schools that have been victims to mass shootings their thoughts and prayers, and you know what? There have been no school shootings since I was elected.

“Definitely not. None whatsoever. And it’s because of the thoughts and prayers, which work brilliants, clearly. And those same thoughts and prayers will now be used to keep the rapey Mexicans from crossing the border into our country, just you see.

“It’s free, effective, and the Mexicans won’t be able to get past it, especially because I am such a bigly devout Jesus person, or whatever.”

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