Friday 11 January 2019 by Arabin Patson

Jeremy Corbyn finally joins Brexit debate to come down firmly on the side of making Jeremy Corbyn prime minister


Jeremy Corbyn wants to be prime minister

A highly anticipated press conference by the Labour leader caused a seismic shock as Jeremy Corbyn ended two years of Brexit prevarication and finally declared that he would throw his full support behind a brilliant solution based on him moving into Downing Street.

He explained his plan to the gathered reporters, telling them,  “The Tories have failed to deliver on their promises. They have made a mess of Brexit. Labour’s plan will solve all the thorny questions by having me put a painting of Tony Benn in the Cabinet Office.

“We are certain that the question of the hard border in Northern Ireland can be solved by me offering a Miners Union banner to Lea Varadkar. All will be well when I am in charge.”

However, some doubts were raised as to Jeremy Corbyn’s ability to negotiate a better deal as explained Sigmund Wilhelms, the EU’s special commissioner on Brexit.

He told us, “Why does this man believe we will change our red lines for him? The truth is we really don’t care that much who is doing the negotiating.

“We think in terms of policies, funding and regulatory implications. You might also want to tell him that nearly all the key players in the EU are centre-right so trying to sway them by whistling the Red Flag is not the best tactic.

“Although if he does become PM please smarten him up. If he comes to Brussels looking like he does now, the security staff are just going to assume he’s a lonely widower trying to get out of the wind and give him some soup.

“He looks like he enjoys soup.”

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