Thursday 10 January 2019 by Gary Stanton

Sajid Javid to launch armed tank patrols along M6 after 26 migrants found in lorry


Sajid Javid M6 tanks

Sajid Javid has reacted in a predictable fashion after a lorry was found to contain more than twenty swarthy people from overseas.

The migrants, mostly Syrians and Iranians, were located in the back of an Iceland truck, sandwiched between the frozen peas and the ever-popular King Prawn Party Rings in a sweet chilli sauce.

Bored transport police took action after passing motorists reported muffled Middle-Eastern music, like the sort you get in curry houses but a bit different, coming from the back of the vehicle while the driver took a piss on the hard shoulder near Alsager.

Footage of the incident shows the weary stowaways offloaded onto the central reservation, before being beaten by Brexit-voting paramedics, in a welcome to the UK no one could have predicted.

In a typically proportionate response, the Home Secretary has deployed armed tank units, containing anti-migrant guns with the safety catch off, at various checkpoints between the exit for the Lake District and Sandbach services, which until the recent announcement was the best dogging location in North West England.

Javid is also likely to impose a limit of fifty miles per hour for the entire motorway, which is the maximum speed a tank can travel in relatively mild weather.

Meanwhile, drivers have been warned to expect lengthy delays, but with it being the M6, are unlikely to notice the fucking difference.

International Trafficking expert, Simon Williams, said, “These people are tired and thirsty and, in many cases, have been asked to fork out £8.99 for a Little Chef all-day breakfast by unscrupulous restaurant owners.

“A good number of them come from war-torn regions and have witnessed sights none of us would want to see.

“However, surely nothing can prepare them for the prospect of temporary overnight accommodation on the outskirts of Crewe.”

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