Lazy incompetent racist sex-pest Donald Trump has made a second national address from the Oval Office to demand a new PlayStation, some candy, and some ‘hot secretaries’ for the White House.
Opening with the words – ‘I’m President and I’m best and I should get all the stuff I want’ – Mr Trump issued a series of demands.
“I want a new PlayStation,” he shouted, banging the table.
“My old PlayStation is a crock of s**t and you can’t play the new Call of Duty and I want to play the new Call of Duty because I’m the best ever at Call of Duty.”
Next, he moved on to an issue that is thought to have long been close to the President’s heart, that of candy.
“I’ve decided that the crooked Democrats should fund a new bill I’ve proposed that means I get unlimited candy forever and ever.”
Finally, there was a demand that has been a central tenet of his Presidency.
“Most of the secretaries here are horrible old women or even guys! I don’t want guys as secretaries because I’m not gay.
“I want more hot secretaries.
“Maybe eighty? Eighty new hot secretaries just going around bending over and letting me watch.
“Obama had hot secretaries. I should have hot secretaries. Where’s my goddamn hot secretaries.”
Mr Trump then leaned back in his chair, apparently finished. A camera kept rolling as a woman entered the frame and went to remove Mr Trump’s microphone. His hand immediately moved up her skirt and he smirked before the screen cut to black.
God bless America.