Thursday 10 January 2019 by Dan Sweryt

Amazon boss Jeff Bezos celebrates divorce deal after being awarded 50% of wife’s hair

Jeff Bezos divorce settlement

Jeff Bezos is the true winner in the divorce with his wife Mackenzie as he looks set to receive half her beautiful long, flowing locks in the settlement.

Despite the potential of losing half the world’s most valuable company, Mr Bezos said, “I’m not bothered about any of that, to be honest. I’d give it all up just to get some grip on this smooth, shiny bonce.

“In reality, the reason I set up a globally successful, cash-rich company was solely to get the cash for finding a cure to baldness for men like me.

“That is, the richest man in the world who owns the most valuable company in the world.

“They always said to me: if you want to cure baldness, open a bookshop.

“And look where Iam now. Yes, I’m the winner now!”

Mr Bezos was romantically linked to Lauren Sanchez. He refutes the claims that he was involved with the TV host, saying only ‘she has MAGNIFICENT hair’.

After the news, furniture polish manufacturers saw shares drop 95%.

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