Veganuary, a campaign for people to stop eating meat and using animal products for January, has received a huge boost in popularity once it became apparent exactly how angry the whole thing was making Piers Morgan.
It is currently unknown why Morgan, an ex-gossip columnist and noted supporter of racist sex-pest Donald Trump, feels so strongly about veganism, and no one is really prepared to engage with the man long enough to find out, but his distaste for veganuary has proved inspirational to many.
“Frankly, there’s nothing I enjoy more than getting my lips around a great big juicy sausage,” said barrister Eleanor Gay.
“The last thing I’d ever want to do is go vegan because I just love meat. However, when I saw how cross it makes Piers Morgan, naturally, I signed up right away.”
Simon Williams, a fingernail historian from Worcester, was another veganuary convert.
“Well, in an ideal world, all right-thinking people would just be able to punch Piers Morgan in the face on a daily basis.
“But, for some reason, society frowns on violence, even when it’s against him. So, if I can’t punch him in the face, at least by getting involved in this veganuary thing then I know, in some small way, I’m making Piers Morgan cross.
“Which is well worth a month without bacon.”
It is thought that similar campaigns such as Movember, Stoptober, and Wear a hat for Africa, are all looking to annoy Piers Morgan this year, for both the prospect of increased support and to just be good citizens.