Valuable lessons learned from dismal failure to get people pissed-up in a brewery, insists Chris Grayling

author avatar by 4 years ago

The Department for Transport has been forced to deny systemic incompetence after its annual staff party, promoted as ‘Alepocalypse Wow’, consisted of less than 30 people sampling a few ales and going home 2 hours later.

The event, held in an artisanal brewery in Kent, was supposed to be a debauched pressure valve for all the DfT’s London staff as a reward for their Brexit preparations.

The Pilot’s Lodge Brewery in Manston, Kent, denied the failure to get a large number of people drunk could be attributed to them, as explained Events Manager, Simone Williams.

She said, “We do a lot of Stag-dos and corporate events. We’ve never had a problem before. We were told to expect over 500 people. So we got out the big marquis, and hired extra staff. But nearly nobody showed up.

“We’re on an old airfield off the A256. Turns out no one had hired a coach so, of course, everybody was driving. And what’s more they hadn’t been given a Google Maps pin.. Just a photocopy of a hand-drawn map.”

Ms Williams admitted some people did get drunk at the event.

“There was one idiot who insisted on being called Crazy Chris and kept shouting at the others to get them down.

“He put four or five pints away but then he got sick so his wife made him go home. He made the others feel really awkward so we tried to cheer them up with a brewery tour but it was obvious no one wanted to stay.

“I just feel sorry for whoever’s footing the bill for this bollocks.”